Thoughts.

25.07.08

Who are you?
Why are you someone so special that make me vulnerable?

Everything you did to me,
I treat it as something really nice and memorable.
Something worth for me to think of it every day.

I'm over reacting?
Tell me how should I act then.
It's half-hanging.
I don't know how should I act.
That's the problem I'm facing it.
But I try to keep everything fine.
Cause maybe I'm the one who thinks too much.
So I choose not to tell you how I actually feel deeply inside my heart.

Thinking of it again,
I don't know when did we even start.
Or maybe I should say,
We didn't even start before.
Yeah, that's the correct one.

I hope all these would never happened before.
We still maintain as close friends.
And I,
continue admiring you behind.
But it's too late.
Everything are out of control.
You know I already fall for you.
Is that good?
yes? no?
I can't help it.

Sometimes,
I feel really tired about it.
It's half-hanging.
That's the point.
I can't tell you how I feel about this.
You'll think I'm forcing you.
Perhaps you already think I am forcing you.
But I'm not.
I just wanna make everything clear.
I'm not begging for your love.
I just don't want it unofficially.
Want then want.
Don't want then don't want.
you get it?

At last,
I let it be.
Just continue everything.
Not to think so much.
But each day I continue,
the more problems actually happened between us.
You can choose not to tell me anything,
cause I'm not yours,
you are not mine.
I can't expect you to tell me everything.
There are lots of misunderstood because of that.
There are too many things undefined.

I want to care about you,
share the problems you are facing.
But it seems like you didn't give me the chance.
So many things are unspoken.

I still care about you.
No matter what you did to me,
you are always forgiven.

No, I'm not blaming you for anything.
You did nothing wrong.
It's just that ..
we're lack of something between us.

I found out it's hard to understand you.
I try to understand you more,
but it seems like something is blocking me to understand you.
I can't see your world.
Well, only time can help.

Those two days with you,
would be my best days.
I can't describe how happy I was,
how secure I felt.
The things we done.
The things we talked.

I took few days to write about this.
There are too much to express.
I just don't know where should I start.

This feeling is indescribable.
You know that maybe he's gonna hurt you soon,
yet you're still willing to stay next to him.
You know you might ended up have a sad ending,
but you just want to stay with him by that time,
even tho it's just a short while.

What I need is an explanation from you.
Don't call your friends to tell me what's happening.
I wanna hear it from you.
No matter how harsh the fact gonna be,
I still have to face it.

Time is what you need.
I gave you.
But please,
the longer time you took,
the more I feel the pain.

Why are you making things so complicated?
Why can't we make everything simple?

Oh, right. I forgot.
Things are complicated cause you are not sure how do you feel to me.
Am I right?
Did I get the point?
Or am I the one who thinks too much again?
Or maybe,
you just realize it?

For what you told me all the time,
are those lies?
are those jokes?
Did you really mean it when you said?

I'm not trying to say being with you is something not happy.
I'm not complaining anything.
I was happy.
It's just that I need to express my feelings.

Trials are here.
And all these things are bothering me.
I tried to chill.
I tried not to think about it.
Does it works?
Well, kinda.
But it is still in my mind.
I can't get rid of it.
Cause I still can't get the answer.

It's not that I wanna annoyed you or what.
But c'mon.
This thing is distracting me all the time.
Everybody tell me different things about you.
I don't know who to trust.
I wanna make everything clear.
I had enough of guessing.

Trust me,
no girls like this kind of situation.
Try to understand me, for once?

Why not tell me the truth?
Good or Bad,
I am ready to face it.
Tell me.
So that I can know which direction I should go.

What I should do now is study hard. We'll talk about it after exams.

loves.